Wishes for you

I wish peace for you
I wish happiness too
I hope you find what makes you shine

I see good in you
I hope you see it too
I see what you can be
If you just let yourself believe

Calm your mind
Ignite your soul
Allow your heart 
To show your feet where to go

Smile often
Laugh till it hurts
Cry not from pain
But that your life is so full
You will burst.

I wish for you
What you've always dreamt for
I want for you
What you have reached for.
Put your heart into 
what you love
and there will be no more wishing.

Take that leap of faith
Find what you have been missing
Look inside a little more 
This is your new beginning.

Fear is temporary

I'm going to make you love me
You're going to give me all of you
You're going to do it freely
And you will be happy when you do

I'm going to make you love me
You can try all you want to avoid me
You can try to hide from me too
You can turn off the lights
But, I'll wait for you.

You're going to love me
You will smile when you see me
You will dance in my presence 
You will laugh at my mistakes
You will learn from my fears

You love me
You see me now
You're happy you found me
You're stronger now that you have
We are one you and I

You are me
I am you
You are us when we lived in fear
I am us
Now that we have fought though our fears

Walk with me

Come, take a walk with me
 side by side
Walk through the woods
Checking out blue sky

 Listen to the trees
as they bend with the wind
Watch the birds fly, land, then take off again.

I'll wait for you to feel, safe
to share
What's been locked away
Your heart.

I'll be your strength
I'll hold you up
I'll help you see
Just how strong you are~
Can be.

Let's walk 
with the sand under our feet
Let's feel free
Let fear go
No more holding on to what was
No more hiding away
No more crying for those who 
didn't stay.

Come, let's walk
side by side
let's feel ~
floating with the wind
 dancing with stars
sleeping on a cloud
Feeling warmth from the sun

Let's walk
You and I
Let's fly 
where others won't go.
Let's just be
You and me
I'll hold you up,
~if you should stumble.
Though I know you won't
You were meant to be this strong
Take off the blinders and let your soul see.

Feel like taking a walk with me?

No obstacle too great

Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything!
Remember, it's not what you do for a living that makes you great
It's who you are!
It's not who you love
But how you love!
It's not where you have been
But what you did while you were there!
It's not who can make you happy
But that you know happiness comes from within you!

I am Lovable

I am Lovable
I live within a darkened room
deep below a well guarded castle. 
Outside my door stands Vulnerable.

Vulnerable carries a long sharp sword
he has named it pain.
Pain is the key~to everything.
No one has yet been able to get close to me
if they try
Pain is who they will meet.

Beyond the room where Vulnerable resides 
 a spiral staircase is seen
We call it Love.
Miles and miles in length she is
and at the top
outside her door
~Lies resides.

Lies covers the floor
ready to grab anyone untrue
Anyone who has managed to get past the gate
The gate we call Trust.

Trust isn't easy to get past.
Trust is strong, runs deep and holds true.
Trust stands behind desire.
Knowing Desire needs to be watched.

Desire is our drawbridge
she keeps all of us held tight within these walls
determined to keep us safe.
Trying to keep others out.
Desire has weaknesses she knows about.

Passion is the moat that circles these walls
Passion runs hot and cold and is the only one
able to sway Desire at all.

If passion is able to get Desire to open up
Trust is always on alert.
Lies will tell tales
Love will twist and turn
Vulnerable will tighten around Pain
and I will remain behind this locked door.

I am lovable~
waiting to see when
I will be able to get close 
to Love again.

Last Goodbye

I see you in my dreams
It's the only place I see you now
I wanted to call out to you
But, in dreams
That's not always easy to do.

It wasn't easy~
When you were here.
I was too busy stepping on egg shells
waiting to see
if today was the day
You could love me.

In my dream you did~
You smiled when you were near
You reached out to hold me
You kissed me tenderly.
You said you had loved me.
I had never stopped ~ loving you.

Do we cry when we dream?
If we do~
That's where the river came from
That took me further from you.

A boat appeared
and I knew~
This was the dream
where I release you.

As I sailed away
I burned for the chance 
to hear my name
pass from your lips
one last time.
But, the dream 
wouldn't allow it.

I floated away
and watched you play
with others who surround you.
Knowing it would never be me
You could see
~to love

Once I've awoken from this dream.

It's yours to make

"Stay strong"
Easy to say
Difficult to do
When everyone
Would rather you not.

Don't fight to be better than me
Fight to set your dreams free
We are all trying
to believe

Something amazing is waiting to be seen.

Listen to the emotions of your heart
Hear the words it's trying to say.
There's a time and place for logic 
to get in the way.
~Don't allow it everyday.

Bask in the beauty
You create.

Let go of hate.
Life is what you make.
Make it worth writing about!
Make it a life~
The history books will envy.

Taken too soon

Park bench built for two
How odd
I sit and wait for you.

I know you won't come
You never do
But, I'll sit and wait
and hope
today is the day you do.

Sounds silly when I say it out loud
"Just once I'd like to not see your face in a crowd."
I can envision you anywhere
I can envision you with anyone.
It's seeing you with me ~
That's the key!

I hear your laughter and I have to look
Sadly, it wasn't you.
I smell your cologne and I try to follow the scent
It leads me somewhere I've never been.

I read a sign that reminds me of you
Crazy, everything brings me to you ~
but you.

Did you have to go?
I've wished you back a million times
Then I read the note 
I've held onto so long ~

"Taken too soon but never forgotten"

That's still as far as I've gotten.

Love me?

I can't let you love me.

If I do ~
I'll have to share all of me.
And what if you can't 
handle all that I am?

The wall that I built
The humor I hide behind
The sarcasm I use
to keep them on their toes ~

It's what I do
To keep them away
So they can't see ~
I can't let them love me.

The pain 
The loneliness
The fear
That's kept inside
I've locked away from everyone.
For, It can't be used against me
When it's not shared.

It's not something I meant to do
It's just how things have become.
Under a bright moon
If the stars will align
I'll open my heart
And see
If I can let you love me.

Depression takes hold

How can I explain this pain to you?

It's as if you are standing at the edge
of a cliff
nothing is behind you
nothing in front of you
and darkness is falling 
down on you. 

There is no room to sit
The ground is breaking beneath your feet.
You can't move!
You scream
but you don't know if anyone 
will hear you.
You don't know if anyone will 
look for you.

The terrible things that leak 
from your mind
Telling you
"You're out of time."

Suddenly there isn't enough air to breathe.
Your lungs become hungry.
Your eyes dry
Your throat empty
No sounds are allowed to pass.

Your heart beats~ 
but with each beat
It's a punch to your lungs
That already can not inflate.

These are the feelings I feel
When depression
takes hold of me.

Depression smiles

I was raised hearing the phrase
"Laugh and the world laughs with you
Cry and you cry alone."

I believed it
I lived it
And yet, I feel alone.

I made them laugh
and when I did
They stayed.
When the laughter stopped
They went away.
How could I not believe such a phrase?

I tested the theory:
I cried! 
They said
"I don't know what to do
if it is you
that isn't smiling."

Sad but true
some don't know what to do
does that mean they shouldn't try?

So, I dried my eyes
and only cry
when the world isn't watching.

A lonely place to be.

A comedian's dream is to have you laugh
But who makes sure 
The comedian
laughs too?

Depression sleeps

No one will say
 ~ I'm not enough
No one will say 
~They aren't comforted by my touch.

My Dreams are where
I am able to hide...
from the sting of words,
and all that hate
within their eyes.

I tried to be what they wanted 
me to be.
But, even then,
They turned on me.

So, In my dreams
I lock them out
I hide away 
I shut out all doubt.

I'm who I think I want to be
When no one else is judging me.
No one can hurt me in here.

No one, 
In here, ignores
~my fears.

Fighting depression

I live with depression.
In every way
I fend it off.

Some days it creeps up on me
Other days~
It hits me full force in my face

It's an all consuming darkness
It brings with it
pain and despair.

It engulfs my lungs
It pokes holes in my heart
Drains my soul.
Tells my brain
"You are worthless!"

It's as if I am fighting to close a door
But, depression is almost as strong as me
Somedays, it's stronger than me.

I'll hide away
So none can see
Just how much pain
Depression can be.

I don't want everyone to see
How really
small and insignificant 
I feel to be.

Don't wait...Do!

I'd leave a light on,
for you~
Well, that is 
if I knew~
 you would want me to.

I'd wait, 
for you~
I'd count the days 
I'd pass the hours
I'd watch the seconds
tick by...
If somehow I knew~
you would want me to.

I'd stay awake,
for you~
I'd walk a mile
or two~
If I knew
you would be there~
to hold on to.

What a crazy thing to do,
for you~

If the light is on
and time in on my side
I'll not wait,
for you~

I've got so much living to do,
 places to see
 bodies to hold
voices to hear
and eyes to see.

I'll not wait 
for anyone~
Other than me!

Freedom isn't Free

Freedom isn't free: Charlie (My Dad) is the man in the middle with his arms folded. 

War Story: 
On 4-7-73 we had been temporarily stationed at Da Nang for the previous week. We were to change crews on two aircraft the next morning. We had the aircraft ready for an ICCS mission to Lao Bao which is in the valley just south of the DMZ. The C-46 was very late getting there with our replacement crews and the ICCS mission was late leaving, so it was decided we would run the mission and worry about getting back to Saigon later. We had taken off from Da Nang with 12 to 15 people (comprised of ICCS people and North Vietnamese military as high the rank as General) on two aircraft heading to Lao Bao. About 15 minutes out....the inbound crews contacted us on the radio.....they said to return to Da Nang and they would fly the mission. Our two aircraft met the C-46 (#984), switched crews and we were off for Saigon as original plans. About 20 minutes after we left Da Nang, we heard the crews transmitting 'on guard'.........sounded like they were in the valley and there many SA-7s coming at them from their rear.......17006(Clark/Osterman) had taken a direct hit, 71-20117 (DeVoll/Hotchkiss) was damaged and landing in the valley. It sounded obvious to everyone, although cleared with NVA, that this was set-up.....and North Vietnamese Generals on board must have been expendable.

Thank you to all who have worn the uniform, protected us, fought for us, died for us and survived to remind us...Freedom is ours because of them!

Sun Sets

There is no space between time
when thoughts of you fill my mind.
I thought I knew every gesture 
you made.
Every tone of your laugh
Every emotion that crossed your face.

When the sun sets~
I think of you.
I wonder what you have been through
Why you keep me at bay
Why I never hear you call my name?

When the moon goes to bed~
I wish I could see the voices in your head.
Do you wonder where I am?
Do you 
hope to see me again?

It's as if I can't get you off my mind
Everything takes me back
to that space in time
When happiness 
was what we shared
Danger, we never feared.

If something bad ever happened to you
I would know
For I would hurt too.

If anything ever happened to me
I would send the wind
to find you,
and whisper in your ear~

"Though she is no longer here~
she will love you forever
she loved you always.
No distance between
No space in time
stopped her from
Love never dies!"

Washed away

It sped down hill with the melting of the winter snow.
I watched it wash away down a drain 
within the rain

I tried to catch it before it hit the river
Missed it by only a minute
and watched it dive deeper.

Could only assume it was headed to the ocean.
Once there it would crash against 
the sand and be pulled back in again.

It was gone,

It was to have been left in the mountains
high upon the hill
But I had prayed to 
bend its will.

It almost did~
Until it began its journey
away from me
Building up speed as it sped away

Nothing I could do or say
Would make the ground obey.
It churned and rolled
It gathered and released
It never did stop to find peace.

Once the melting began
everything slipped through my hand.
Not even the sight of me 
crawling on my knees~
prevented the pull away from me.

My tears only supplied to the rushing
chasing to find~
Something bigger, better.
Than the beauty on the mountain
it left behind.

Dark spaces

Excuses drip from the walls thick as molasses
Lies cover the floor waiting to be believed
Shadows dance around the light 
that has snuck in through
broken windows.

Dust covers the frames that once held smiling faces
An echo of a child's laugh
floats through the air.

If not for the echo
There would be no sound 

The spiders and flies 
took their dance elsewhere
Even this place is to dark 
for them.

No soul left to fill the void
No whisper of any tenant 
at all.

This place they call Misery~
No one should want to be.

It tries to hold on to others 
It tries to belong
Misery loves company
"They say"
But no company would take Misery on!


More days pass now between 
sightings of you.

I am careful to hope from a distance
I am quiet as to not upset you.
I walk through the halls 
~no longer running
I have nothing left to run to.

The man who took my heart
no longer praises its beauty.
The man who worshiped 
my beauty no longer 
cares to see.

He searches for something bigger
Something he can no longer receive
~just by loving me.

His eyes have gone dark
No longer bright with possibilities.
His hands are now stiff
No longer able to touch
~The power he seeks.

I thought I saw a glimpse of the man 
he once was.
I almost missed the moment
His eyes softened towards me.
I was careful not to assume
Which had always gotten the better of me.

Now, I let the moment pass
I try to hold on to what once was
~The tenderness of his touch.

Though it's no longer possible
For him to believe.
I can't find myself to open the door
The door that would allow me to breathe.
For if that door opens in front 
Then the one behind me must close.
What if he finally sees
The thing he wanted the most...
Wasn't about money or fame
But about the woman
Who once cherished his name?

Power within you

Some days are longer than others
Some tears fall faster 
Some words won't be spoken
Some hearts will be broken.

Accidents happen
Reality can be cruel
Moments escape us
Time we wish we had back,

Believe in tomorrow
No matter the pain of today.
Strength is within you.

Do not fear the darkness in front of you,
It is your road to lighten. 
The path behind you 
didn't break you.
The path you walk now...
Let it empower you!

Better alone

I'm going to make you love me!

I'm going to show you why!

I'm going to tell you everything
on why I can make you mine.

I know I could make you happy
I know I could keep you smiling
I know I could love you better 
than the last one who tried.

I don't ask for much
I don't need a lot
I can have fun with the lights on
or in the dark. ;)

Wait a minute
Here's a thought
Maybe it isn't me that's lost?

I can take care of me.
I can make me laugh.
I'm smoking hot in just about anything.
I live pretty well independently.
I wanted you, but I don't need to have you.

 What could have been we will never know
You couldn't see 
The awesome person
That is ME!!

If only

It's not that I miss you or what we had
It's the thought of what was
and not really understanding
was it that good
or really that bad?

Did the light burn too bight for a short period of time
Or was there no light to speak of,
and the whole time...I was just blind?

Did you ever see me as I saw you?
Fun, funny, beautiful...
was that even you?
Did I see you or were you what I wanted
to see?

When you said you loved me
was it real?

Were you with me
Or just with me
 so you weren't alone?

I hate that when I look at you
I can't help but smile
I lose my breath for a short while
I feel as if I am flying.

Those things never happened to you?
At least not when you looked at me.
I don't really miss you
Just wish I could have really seen

Now I hide from anyone
who might want to fall for me
I no longer trust
I no longer hope
I want to just be
And be happy with me.

I don't want to doubt
I don't want to hurt
I don't want to believe...
Is there anyone for me?

I burned too bright towards you 
and I'm sure it was blinding.
I can no longer read your eyes
I no longer see you smiling
It's time to turn away
And stop trying.

Be heard

Let us sit and enjoy the silence
Hear the water rushing by us
to give the river
all the pain inside us
Yes, lets enjoy the silence.

Watching the leaves as they fall to the ground
Then carried away by the sound
of the wind racing
from tree to tree
If only the wind could carry me.

Hearing the birds as they squawk to 
one another
Then something that sounds
like laughter ~
makes me shudder.
To fly through the sky
To have wings
Then I could do anything.

Lets just sit and enjoy the silence
no cars rushing by us
no phones squeaking at us
time could just be still
I could tell you how I feel.

You have to go...?
Too many calls
Too many to dos 
I am just one of too many
things you must do.

Then I'll just sit here and hear the silence.

Do you wanna?

What are you thinking?

Can you read my thoughts
Can you tell what I want from you?
Do you feel how much I want you?
I've undressed you with my eyes
and I like what I see.

Now baby, 

I wanna feel how you kiss.
The touch of your lips pressed against mine
Don't close your eyes
I've got to see
How badly you 
Want to be kissing me.

I wanna know how it tastes to touch your tongue to mine.
Part your lips and allow me to find.
That piece of you I want with mine.
Enter curious
Not reckless
Don't intrude
God, you feel good.

I wanna know how you touch
Where will you reach for to begin?
Will you take your time?
Will your lips leave mine?

I wanna know how you love
Can you have me wanting more?
Can you get me to the top
Begging you not to stop?

I wanna know~ 
You going to come to me?
Take me 
I wanna feel how you kiss.