Pinky Promise

I pinky promise 

I will stay.

Once upon a while ago
I made a choice that I had to go
I couldn't stand the pain any more
I was embarrassed to be seen
I was afraid of what you might think
If you knew what had happened to me.

I carried the shame of someone else's evil
I carried the guilt of another's bad deed
He walked around with his head in the clouds
While I shuffled with my eyes to the ground.

I couldn't stand to feel the way I was feeling
pain pulled at my heart
pain tugged at my soul
pain suffocated my will
pain destroyed my hope.

So thoughts to end it all
creeped in
No one would miss me
It would be better for them ~ if I wasn't here.
Oh the things you think 
when you're deep in fear.

So I gave up
I swallowed them all
I drifted away.
I heard a small girls voice call
"Stay, you are stronger than you know."
Curiosity seems to have gotten the better of me.
I wanted to know just what she did see.

And what do you know...
Though life isn't easy
I am stronger than the pain
that tried to consume me!

Suicidesso far in 2016 34720. Average yearly stats for suicides is 30,000

suicide claims more deaths than accidents, homicides, and war combined. And many cases of suicide, particularly in the elderly, go completely undetected and unaccounted.

Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24.

Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18.

More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.

Each day in our nation, there are an average of over 5,240 attempts by young people grades 7-12.

Four out of Five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs

Find me

I think I've lost something.

I felt that feeling 

something is missing

But I couldn't say

what?

I sat too long

 in hopes...

I would remember

just what 

had gone away.

I stood up

to walk around

that feeling of loss

wouldn't go away.

I stared out the window

hoping my mind

would reach out and find

~something

I tried to distracted my thoughts

by not thinking

"what could be missing?"

Maybe, it would find me.

That didn't work well.

The loss was heavy on my mind

I needed to know

"what have I left behind?"

It was like a black hole 

had filled the space 

where memories

had once been placed.

The struggle my thoughts 

put to my mind

made me wonder

was it me I had left behind?

I live in a world where my thoughts are my own

I haven't shared my dreams 

with anyone.

I've built a safe around my self 

where even I have no key.

Maybe the something I have forgotten

is 

me?

Your soul to keep

I want to float:
 with the wind
I want to sail 
on top of the ocean,
glide next to the waves
before their 
anger is broken.

I want to feel:
the beat of a warm heart
pounding within my chest
to a rhythm 
that knows no pain.

I want to touch:
beauty in a kiss
tears of joy
happiness in love
a kind mind
a true embrace.

I want to hear:
lost words
never spoken
promises that will
never be broken.

I want to fly:

spread unseen wings
feel the sun heat each feather
warm my blood 
lift my soul
inhale, breath,
jump
I'll fly